36 and Single

That probably sounds sad, doesn’t it.  36 years old, and never been married.  (I’m only 4 years away from 40, dang it!)  I have known a lot of people over the years that struggle with not being married past the time when most of their friends have tied the knot.  I guess I’m just not one of those people, because being single is something that has never been hard for me.

When I have heard people saying things like “I want to get married so bad” when they aren’t even dating anyone, I just haven’t ever been able to relate.  I haven’t ever felt that way.  When I’ve had relationships that were going well and marriage might have been a possibility, sure, yeah, marriage was something that I wanted.  But I’ve never had a strong craving for it when I’m outside of a relationship. 

And to be 36 and single?  Shouldn’t that really bother me?  Maybe it should, I don’t know.  But when it boils right down to it, I don’t really feel like much is missing in my life.  It is very fulfilling.  I love my work, I love my hobbies, I love my surroundings.  I have a great family, and great friends.  I have opportunities to learn and grow all of the time.  I get to do the things that I enjoy.  And I don’t feel a lack of love or companionship.  There isn’t a lot about my life that would change if I could just snap my fingers and have everything made perfect. 

Not that I wouldn’t like to find a woman that I could love, and would love me in return, but that just doesn’t seem to be in the cards right now.  Heck, I haven’t even met someone I could ask out for several years now.  But that is pretty much outside of my control, so it doesn’t keep me up at night.  I know that marriage is a wonderful thing when you find the right person.  But two people it does take, so I don’t worry about the half that is outside of my control.  And I make the best of every day that I have available to me.  And that makes me happy.

So even though I’m not married, I have a good life.  No, scratch that, I have a great life.  Sure, it could be better with someone to share it, but it sure isn't half bad now.

NTOTW #1

I can't believe I haven't done a personal post since I started the Tips of the Week, so here's my first Non Tip of the Week.

The stake photo directory project is still going on.  Today was the last day we decided to do scheduled photos, and we didn't have very many people show up.  Apparently the people on vacation three weeks ago are still gone?  Sounds fishy to me.  (BTW, for those who know him, I'm working on this project with Bruce Tregaskis.)  But we only have about 10 out of 300 people we've missed, so we actually did really well.  Now I get to compile it all together.  Fun.

Brad and I doubled on a blind date this last Wednesday afternoon.  This was the first blind date I've had in a while now.  I'm normally averse to them because most of the time I get setup with girls just because of their height, or just because they are near my age and single, and we end up having absolutely nothing in common.  I recall more than a few blind dates where both of us were anxious to get home.  But this time I don't think either my age or height even factored into the decision.  And I had a nice time.  Props to Mary for finding someone I could have a pleasant afternoon with.

I don't think I've ever mentioned anything about dating on this blog, probably mostly because it doesn't happen much any more.  Ever since I was excused from singles wards I haven't had many opportunity to meet women.  As an active LDS person it isn't like I can just hop down to the local bar on a Friday night, and working by myself at home doesn't help any either.  I haven't given up, but the opportunities to meet fellow singles (both male and female actually) do seem to be diminishing considerably.  I really hope that doesn't come out as being bitter by any stretch of the imagination, because in reality I love my life, and I don't think I've ever been happier.  Sure there have definitely been times when I've been more social, but I don't feel like my happiness has any connection to the status of my social connections.  Maybe that's just part of growing up; when I was younger having friends, especially girls, around was important to me.  But as things are now, I actually enjoy being home by myself quite a bit more than I ever thought I might.  If that is one of the characteristics of being an adult, maybe I do feel a bit more like one now than I did even a couple years ago.

In other news it looks like I'll be heading back to Washington in a few weeks for some more point-of-sale related stuff.  We're kind of at a point in the project where the stuff left to do is less flashy, and we are getting diminishing returns for the amount of time being put into it.  During this next trip my task is to make the registers talk to the video surveillance system.  Exciting, huh!

Two Minute Date

I saw this clip the other day on TV while flipping channels, and I thought it was one of the most clever (and cute) things I had seen on TV in a very long time.

It's about a guy (Ted) who has been trying to get a girl (Stella) to go out with him for weeks, and she keeps turning him down. In this clip she finally gives in. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da6B5oracqY

Lars and the Real Girl

I just watched the movie Lars and the Real Girl last night and actually really liked it. Not that I had low expectations going into it; I had heard from more than one person that it was good. But I found it very enjoyable: touching, and humorous all at the same time.

It's the story of a gentle young man (Lars) who has been living a secluded life and is experiencing feelings of isolation and solitude due to a family tragedy. His response to his loneliness is to order a life-size doll over the Internet, and he actually believes her to be not only a real person, but his girlfriend, whom he names Bianca. Lars' brother and his wife, concerned with Lars' mental state, consult their doctor who recommends that everyone go along with Lars' delusion, and that when he no longer needs the delusion it will go away. Everyone in the town is asked to participate, and in the process they come together to support Lars, helping him to deal with his condition. Because of this, Lars begins to come out of his shell, and begins his journey of healing.

One of my friends told me she thought it was the most hilarious movie she had ever seen in her life. I can see how it would be funny (I can't imagine how the actors pulled it off with a straight face) if you look at the way Lars and everyone in the town treat Bianca, but really it isn't meant to be intensely comedic. The overall tone of the movie is serious, but is kept light with many mildly comedic moments. One of the funniest is about a third of the way into the film where Lars is laying in a treehouse singing.

It was just released on DVD this week so it should be available for rental or purchase, but since it wasn't a well-known movie, there aren't a lot of copies around. It stars Ryan Gosling (from The Notebook), is raged PG-13 (Bianca is technically a sex doll, and there are a couple off-color jokes about that, but the doll isn't even suggested to be used in that way; the film is otherwise very clean). I highly recommend this movie.

Insensitive Comments & Taking Offense

The first week I started going to a new ward (church congregation for the LDS-uninitiated) a woman there made a comment to me, that, at the time, I didn't think much of, but looking back what she said could be taken by some as very insensitive and could be considered offensive. Her comment to me was "You need to get married!" (original emphasis), which is something I have heard before, but her tone of voice while she said it seemed to indicate contempt for my single status.

Like I said, I didn't think much of it at the time. And I'm not one to ever take offense at anything. But a while later after thinking about it a little more I began to realize just how insensitive a comment like this is. Not only was she implying that there is something wrong with me because I'm single, she is flat out telling me that it's my fault because I haven't done anything about it. Obviously she knows nothing about me and certainly isn't qualified to offer any advice on my behalf, but what she fails to see is that it isn't (entirely) my fault that I'm not married. There is only so much that I can do about it; it literally takes two to tango. A far less offensive comment (and possibly a snappy, suitable reply) would be: "you need to lose weight!" because, let's face it, that is (usually) something that an individual can do something about themselves without relying on participation from another individual. "You need to get married!" certainly doesn't help the situation, and no matter how hard I try I can't fix it by myself.

I'm not here to rant about this woman's comment so much because we all say things sometimes that can be taken as offensive. But I do believe that we need to "think before we speak" a little bit more.

On the other side of the coin, I also believe that we in general take offense way too often. If you think about it, being offended by someone is a form of justification of hatred toward them (stop and think about that for a minute) and certainly doesn't get anybody anywhere good. What benefit do we have from taking offense? I certainly can't think of any; it has the opposite effect. We have enough problems in the world without adding to it by taking offense at comments made by others. So if someone says something offensive to you, the best thing is to just let it roll off your back and move on. Don't waste any time and energy thinking about it, or even worse, doing anything about it.

Originally this post was going to be a long discourse, but I think it just boils down to being careful what we say, and never taking offense at others' comment. Just don't do it.