19 Years Ago…

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Take a Look Inside

I worked on a programming project about a decade ago that fundamentally changed the way I look at myself.  Sounds a little odd, doesn’t it? How can a programming project affect someone in that way?  Well, the project involved human psychological evaluation.  As part of the project I learned a lot about how people perceive themselves as compared to how they perceive others.  Since I’ve had a decade to meditate on and observe the principle, I think at this point I can safely say that I believe that the fundamental principle is sound.

It goes something like this… Because we live in just our own world and can’t truly walk a mile in others’ shoes, our perception of the world is skewed based on our own experiences, thoughts, feelings, etc.  And because of that skew, we tend to project our innermost characteristics on others, as if society in general thinks, behaves, and believes the same way we do at a fundamental level.

The net result of this is that our core beliefs about human nature tend to be a direct reflection of our own characteristics at their deepest level, independent of the way we actually perceive ourselves.  Thus, if we believe that people are fundamentally honest then we ourselves are probably honest.  If we believe that people are generally dishonest, chances are that we may have honesty issues we are dealing with.  If we believe that people in general are kind, we probably in actuality are kind to others.  If we believe that people are generally greedy, we likely suffer from greed ourselves.

I think we all tend to believe individually that we are generally honest, generous, kind… possessing many of the virtues that we would like to have, regardless of how we perceive others.  But because we can’t be objective about our own attitudes (we live in our own worlds and have no other experience to compare against) we really can’t be sure of how we are doing in any of those areas.  Thieves may believe that what they are doing is okay because they have concocted up some rationalization for their actions, so they don’t feel that they themselves are dishonest.  But most likely they believe that other people are fundamentally dishonest as well (and this probably even plays into their justification for their own actions).

So it boils down to taking a look at how we look upon society to learn more about ourselves.  Do we believe that people are fundamentally honest?  Do we believe that people are generally charitable?  Generous?  Trustworthy?  Do we believe that people are fundamentally good, trying to do what they believe to be right?  Or do we feel otherwise? If we tend to believe that society needs to improve upon a particular virtue, maybe we ought to work on that ourselves first.

The difficult part of doing this analysis is separating individual people from our attitudes of society in general.  We all know people who don’t measure up to what we would like them to be, and we have to exclude these people when trying to figure out how we feel about human nature generally.  If we were to compare our attitudes about one individual specifically the process doesn’t work.  We can always pick out someone we know that doesn’t possess any particular virtue; the trick is to exclude them from our attitude of people on a fundamental level.

In the 10 years since I learned this principle I think I can safely say that I have learned a lot more about myself, and I hope it has made me a better person.  At least my attitudes toward human nature has changed anyway.  So maybe I’ve made some changes too.

Doug’s Typical Day

Times vary widely, but the activities are fairly typical of any given day, Monday through Saturday.

11:00 am – Wake up, process any incoming software orders, grab some toast, a yogurt, banana, or bowl of cereal from the kitchen, head back to the computer to eat while continuing the day.

11:05 am – Look over the 50-60 emails received overnight, begin responding to the most critical, easiest to answer, and the ones that have been sitting in my inbox too long.

11:45 am – Check the technology news sites for anything new and exciting in the last 24 hours. 

12:00 pm – Take a look over the databases and logs from the different stores running our Point-of-Sale software.  Perform any needed grooming and fix any issues with any servers or registers that have obvious problems. 

12:30 pm – Begin working on one of the various programming projects I’m involved with… these days that is usually the Point-of-Sale system, in preparation for Pizza Expo in early March.

4:00 pm – Time for a break.  That usually involves showering, getting dressed, checking the mail, processing any email from the last few hours, and making a quick lunch/snack.

4:30 pm – If I have any shopping or other errands to do, do that for the next little while.  Back to the computer to do (you guessed it) more coding.

6:00 pm – I’m on shift now for technical support calls for the Point-of-Sale system, though I often get some rollover from the prior shift starting around mid-afternoon.  Still coding when I’m not taking care of POS issues.

7:45 pm – Time for another break.  Quick second lunch or snack.  This is usually when the TV gets turned on to catch any evening shows I follow, but only in the background (I’m not mentally able to just sit and watch TV without doing something else). 

8:00 pm - Back to coding, unless it’s Friday, in which case it’s time to start cleaning up the living room and kitchen areas for Movie Night guests.

10:00 pm – Phone calls and emails have subsided by now, so I can really concentrate on getting some good programming done.  (Phone calls during the day, even quick ones, throw me off by as much as 30-45 minutes each, so my post-10 pm ‘no interruptions’ time is special.)

12:00 am – Snack break.  Check tech and news sites and my email again and catch up on any friends’ blogs that have been updated.  Back to coding.

3:30 am – Start to look for a good place to wind down programming for the day. 

4:00 am – Really start to look for a good place to wind down programming for the day.  Start thinking about going to bed.  On a night when I’m at a good stopping place, this is about where I can start wrapping things up.  Otherwise…

Between 4:15 am and 5:00 am – Finally getting to a point where I can really wrap up coding for the day.  Climb into bed.

Between 5:00 am and 5:30 am – Scripture study if it’s a day where I can still keep my eyes open.  Flip on a TV show or two or three I’ve seen a million times so I can …

Between 5:15 am and 6:00 am – Finally fall asleep.

What is your typical day like?   Post on your blog, then paste a link in the comments section below.

I think I might be sick

I can't sit still.  I have a really hard time sitting and doing next to nothing, whether it be to watch TV, read, even talk on the phone.  My mind goes a million miles an hour, thinking about everything that I need to do, as well as everything I want to do.  I just can't get the various projects I have out of my mind no matter what I do.

There are times when I should be relaxing to maintain my sanity.  We can't just work all of the time, right?  But every time I try I feel guilty that I'm not doing something productive. 

I can't go to sleep at night because I have so many things that I want to do.  And I'm only getting about 5-6 hours of sleep (or less) every night because I want to get back to work on different projects as soon as I can.

I find myself not taking time to eat.  One "meal" a day is all I take time for, and even then it's only long enough to prepare whatever I eat (usually something quick, like cereal, or a sandwich) and eat while I'm doing something else. 

I sometimes don't answer the phone when friends call, just because I'm right in the middle of an idea that I don't want to interrupt.

The funny thing about this is that none of this seems to be causing me any stress.  Deadlines and pressure from people to finish other non-work-related projects cause some stress, but not any of the "work" I'm involved with.

Is this a mental illness?

(This is meant as a rhetorical question; I'm not asking for responses.)

NTOTW #1

I can't believe I haven't done a personal post since I started the Tips of the Week, so here's my first Non Tip of the Week.

The stake photo directory project is still going on.  Today was the last day we decided to do scheduled photos, and we didn't have very many people show up.  Apparently the people on vacation three weeks ago are still gone?  Sounds fishy to me.  (BTW, for those who know him, I'm working on this project with Bruce Tregaskis.)  But we only have about 10 out of 300 people we've missed, so we actually did really well.  Now I get to compile it all together.  Fun.

Brad and I doubled on a blind date this last Wednesday afternoon.  This was the first blind date I've had in a while now.  I'm normally averse to them because most of the time I get setup with girls just because of their height, or just because they are near my age and single, and we end up having absolutely nothing in common.  I recall more than a few blind dates where both of us were anxious to get home.  But this time I don't think either my age or height even factored into the decision.  And I had a nice time.  Props to Mary for finding someone I could have a pleasant afternoon with.

I don't think I've ever mentioned anything about dating on this blog, probably mostly because it doesn't happen much any more.  Ever since I was excused from singles wards I haven't had many opportunity to meet women.  As an active LDS person it isn't like I can just hop down to the local bar on a Friday night, and working by myself at home doesn't help any either.  I haven't given up, but the opportunities to meet fellow singles (both male and female actually) do seem to be diminishing considerably.  I really hope that doesn't come out as being bitter by any stretch of the imagination, because in reality I love my life, and I don't think I've ever been happier.  Sure there have definitely been times when I've been more social, but I don't feel like my happiness has any connection to the status of my social connections.  Maybe that's just part of growing up; when I was younger having friends, especially girls, around was important to me.  But as things are now, I actually enjoy being home by myself quite a bit more than I ever thought I might.  If that is one of the characteristics of being an adult, maybe I do feel a bit more like one now than I did even a couple years ago.

In other news it looks like I'll be heading back to Washington in a few weeks for some more point-of-sale related stuff.  We're kind of at a point in the project where the stuff left to do is less flashy, and we are getting diminishing returns for the amount of time being put into it.  During this next trip my task is to make the registers talk to the video surveillance system.  Exciting, huh!

Feeling A Little Overwhelmed Today

I'm kind of feeling a little bit overwhelmed with everything I have to get done in the next little while. Here's just a sampling:

• Edit the video I shot at a college graduation a few weeks ago, make several copies of the DVD, and send them off.
• Edit the video I shot for my friend Amber's wedding and make a DVD, and send it off.
• Edit the video I shot of my sister Christine performing at Velour, and post it for my family.
• Copy and send out the recording of Christine playing at Ozz, and send it to my family.
• Edit pictures I shot for Michael & Kiley's wedding, and order prints.
• Edit and mix down recordings I made of Richard and Gabe forever ago.
• Edit family pictures taken at Christmas, make DVDs of the video I shot at Christmas the last three years, and get those sent out.
• Make several significant changes to a tuxedo rental system I just created, and install and train the store owner and employees on how to use it.
• Extract the audio for a golf seminar from a hard drive recorder, burn DVDs, and send them off.
• Order more equipment and install another two antennas in my stake center for an upcoming stake conference.
• Make changes in FileBack PC (my backup software) to make it work better on Windows Vista, and fix a bug preventing encrypted backups from being restored. (Most of those parts are done.) After making changes, build a new release package, a new update package, upload both, notify the sites hosting the program that a new version is available, then send out announcements to my customers of the changes and that a new version is available.
• Move my company web site to a new server.
• Start cleaning the house in preparation for my parents visiting next week, and sister Cheryl and her family the following week.
• Arrange and build a float for the Freedom Festival 4th of July parade.
• Write a synthesizer engine for my GuitarToy software, finish debugging, create a web site and press releases, and post it.
• Do final cleanup on my ActiveClip utility, build a web site for it, and release it.
• Update my stake web site's calendar. I think I'm only 3 months behind right now.
• Build an inventory manager for the point-of-sale software I'm working on. And build the employee scheduling module. Plus a ton of other changes.
• One of these days, shoot and edit a training video for the point-of-sale system.

That's just what comes to mind immediately. Mostly this is my own checklist of things to work on. But it's depressing because I think I'm getting farther and farther behind rather than getting caught up. Anybody know where I can have a clone made?

Insensitive Comments & Taking Offense

The first week I started going to a new ward (church congregation for the LDS-uninitiated) a woman there made a comment to me, that, at the time, I didn't think much of, but looking back what she said could be taken by some as very insensitive and could be considered offensive. Her comment to me was "You need to get married!" (original emphasis), which is something I have heard before, but her tone of voice while she said it seemed to indicate contempt for my single status.

Like I said, I didn't think much of it at the time. And I'm not one to ever take offense at anything. But a while later after thinking about it a little more I began to realize just how insensitive a comment like this is. Not only was she implying that there is something wrong with me because I'm single, she is flat out telling me that it's my fault because I haven't done anything about it. Obviously she knows nothing about me and certainly isn't qualified to offer any advice on my behalf, but what she fails to see is that it isn't (entirely) my fault that I'm not married. There is only so much that I can do about it; it literally takes two to tango. A far less offensive comment (and possibly a snappy, suitable reply) would be: "you need to lose weight!" because, let's face it, that is (usually) something that an individual can do something about themselves without relying on participation from another individual. "You need to get married!" certainly doesn't help the situation, and no matter how hard I try I can't fix it by myself.

I'm not here to rant about this woman's comment so much because we all say things sometimes that can be taken as offensive. But I do believe that we need to "think before we speak" a little bit more.

On the other side of the coin, I also believe that we in general take offense way too often. If you think about it, being offended by someone is a form of justification of hatred toward them (stop and think about that for a minute) and certainly doesn't get anybody anywhere good. What benefit do we have from taking offense? I certainly can't think of any; it has the opposite effect. We have enough problems in the world without adding to it by taking offense at comments made by others. So if someone says something offensive to you, the best thing is to just let it roll off your back and move on. Don't waste any time and energy thinking about it, or even worse, doing anything about it.

Originally this post was going to be a long discourse, but I think it just boils down to being careful what we say, and never taking offense at others' comment. Just don't do it.