Deserving

One of my absolute least favorite words is “deserve.” I know, it’s not a word that people frequently think of as being negative, but to me it is, and very much so. With very few exceptions, I usually cringe when I hear people say they “deserve” something.

Let me back up a bit. I believe that everything we are given in this life is a gift, either from God or from our fellow human beings. We can’t really earn anything because we aren’t guaranteed anything. If someone gives us something it is because they want to, not because they are required to do so. When someone says that they deserve something, they are ignoring that whatever they are being given is a gift, and is something to cherish.

Imagine two scenarios… If someone believes that they deserve something and they do receive it, it often results in them not being grateful for it. They believe that they have been given something of their own merit, ignoring the fact that someone has been gracious with them. We don’t look at things as gifts, but as an exchange for something we have done.

On the other hand, if someone believes that they deserve something and they don’t receive it, it leads to resentment and hate. They feel slighted that they haven’t received something they believe they should have. This not only shows a lack of gratitude, but in fact the opposite, creating negative feelings towards another.

In either case, we lose. We’re either ungrateful, or resentful. There are no good outcomes here.

To say that we deserve something also shows a lack of humility. If I were to say that I deserve more money for my job, what I am really saying is that my needs and wants are more important than those of my employer, or its other employees. I am in effect saying that I am better than everyone else there because my needs are more important than theirs. A truly humble person is grateful for everything they are given, and they don't have expectations of anything.

Feelings of deserving create a never ending cycle. If we believe we deserve something and we continue to receive it, it either escalates to belief in deserving more, or a stronger expectation the next time, and thus stronger disappointment and resentment if we don’t get what we believe is due.

The cycle can be broken, though. Once we stop believing that we deserve something we start to become grateful for anything that we do receive. We recognize and appreciate anything done for us, or anything given to us. On the flip side of the coin, if we don’t receive something, our feelings aren’t hurt, and we don’t have resentment because we aren’t expecting it. It’s a win-win situation.

If we learn to change our attitude so that we begin to look at everything we receive as a gift our lives are happier, and we treat others better. Others can see that we are grateful and are more willing to share with us. We are also then more gracious with others as well. Everybody wins.

Pet Peeve #367

<RANT>

It’s a minor thing, I know, but it still bugs me when people use my computers and maximize windows, especially web browsers.  I have large, high resolution monitors on most of my machines, and it’s really hard to read paragraphs of text when each line is 18 inches long.  It’s too hard to figure out which line of text you’re supposed to read next.  Most web sites don’t even work right when they are that wide, or leave huge columns of blank space on both sides of the screen, wasting tons of space.

And yet it seems like nearly everyone who uses one of my computers does it.  I don’t know why, other than force of habit.  It irritates me that they do, and especially that they leave it that way when they leave.

</RANT>

More Pet Peeves, a Dead Battery, and a New Sofa

Pet Peeves, part II

Its really annoying too me when people can’t seam two get there spelling write on some very common words.  It really isn’t that hard too keep them strait.  Yet these words are interchanged all of the thyme. ***

• They’re, Their, There: They are, belongs to them, and a place.  They’re going to get their books over there.
• Here, hear: This place, listen.  You can hear the ocean from over here.
• You’re, your: You are, belongs to you.  You’re going to get in trouble if you don’t clean your room.
• Too, to, two: Also, a preposition or part of an infinitive, and a number.  I’m going to get two ice cream cones, too!
• Its, it’s: belonging to it, it is.  It’s a shame that the groundhog saw its shadow.
• Pitcher, picture: Liquid storage device, photograph or painting.  If you take my picture, I’ll make you a pitcher of lemonade.
• Who’s, whose: Who is or who has, possession.  Who’s going to do whose dishes?

Also:

• Further vs. farther: In addition to, more distance. * Further more, the concert is farther than I want to drive.
• Then vs. than: part of a conditional phrase or indication of time, used when making comparisons (often accompanies more, less, or fewer).  If you get me a soda then I will give you more jellybeans than Jimmy.
• Affect vs. effect: verb, noun.  ** Will the effect of a declining stock market affect my pay raise?
• Please don’t bear testimony or speak in the name of my son.  I don’t have one, and even if I did, I don’t think I’d want anyone speaking in his name without consulting me first.

* Except when used as an adjective, either further or farther can indicate more time or distance. Farther always indicates distance (think: ‘more far’).  ** In most cases the way we use the words today; affect is also used rarely as a noun, and effect as a verb.  But those cases are very rare. *** There are nine spelling errors in the first paragraph of this post.  How many did you catch?

Battery Dies, Finally!

The battery on my razor finally died today.  So it lasted for four months on a single charge.  Amazing.

New Sofa!

It sounds like we might have more people coming for movie night this week than I originally thought would be able to make it.  So I accelerated part of my living room makeover schedule slightly and bought a sofa last night to create tiered stadium seating.  I picked it up this afternoon and it’s now sitting on a temporary platform until I have the time to build and carpet the real one.  With the addition of this sofa, I should have comfortable seating for around 14-15 people easily, more if we all pretend to be good friends.

Pet Peeve

I’m not sure I understand the need for web pages to automatically play music while visiting.  Most site visitors are usually not on a given page long enough to listen to a whole song (or even enough of it to be interesting) so every new page results in the music starting over or a change of song at every click.  Anyway, most of the time while I’m browsing the web I either have the TV or my own music already on, resulting in an acoustical landscape wasteland.  And none of the sites that do this allow me to turn the music off permanently.  Argh.